My man

Many nights I lay in bed quite irritated that Eric was making his little clicking sound with his throat. I just can’t fall asleep with that non-rhythmic sound. As my irritation grows I know that I will miss that sound as I lay in bed alone in the days to come. The days turned to more than a week without Eric in town.

What is it about my man that I miss so much?

Someone to warm my cold feet in bed?
A friend to go bike riding with?
Breakfast handed to me at my computer while I read my quiet time? (I’m spoiled, I know!)
Someone to turn off Joshua’s feeding pump at 5am?

Yes, all those things are great,

But… what I really love about Eric is:

His laugh is so infectious that it sends me into giggles…
The mischievous look he has when he is trying to trick me…
The way he stays calm in all situations and can see the real issue…
He can make or fix just about anything…
Watching him interact and love on our kids…
Knowing he is in love with me, even the ugly not so nice parts…
His integrity...
His creative side...

But most of all…
His love for the Lord and his passion for men’s ministry…
Oh, did I mention he is drop dead gorgeous? …

Yeah, I’m missing my hubby tonight! :0(

Love, Olivia

School Time

The kids are back in school. I’m not too thrilled that they will be gone all day, schedules to keep up with, uniforms to clean, lunches to be made, etc. I hesitate to plan anything on my schedule knowing that at a moment it could all be wiped away. I’m not sure how long the feeling of fear will still plague my thoughts. Every time I write something on my Palm, I think to myself, “well maybe.” Two days of school and Joshua can’t go on Monday. He is sick again. I love being with him and taking care of him, but I feel guilty for wishing I could get some of my to-do list done. Shouldn’t my to-do list BE my kids?

I just haven’t figured out that balance with planning and not being disappointed. For two and a half years there has been no planning. The world has revolved around Joshua’s hospital stays, next surgery, sicknesses, doctors’ appointments. We managed to fit in a thing or two here and there, but more than anything Joshua called the shots. We didn’t plan much and we were okay with that.

Now, I need to adjust to this “new” normal. ANOTHER “new” normal. Joshua’s health is SO much better, HE is so much better. The last few weeks we have unplugged his oxygen monitors. But I still hold my breath every morning as I walk into his room until he makes a move or opens his eyes. His breathing use to be so loud and labored I could hear it in my room without monitors, now I wish I could tell if he was breathing. He’s just so beautiful. I love how friendly he is with new people. He just makes me smile. I am one of the luckiest mom’s in the world! Who could have thought that two amazing girls and one little boy could fill my heart with such love!

I have no idea where this is going. I know these are normal feelings. I know that God has been so faithful through each step of our journey, but I still struggle.

I posted some first day of school pictures on the carepages! Hope you got to see them!
Blessings, Olivia

Is it just life?

How many times have you heard, "Enjoy these years with your little ones. They will grow up before you know it."?

I feel the truth of this saying. I marvel at how quickly time is slipping by. I see my children's little personalities blossoming in front of our very eyes. I use to think, "yeah, yeah, I know." Today, now that I have really struggled and wrestled with what is important, I hope I am doing a better job. But am I? I'm taking the mental (and actual pictures) of life, but is that enough? Am I stopping to "smell the roses"? Will I look back with regret or will I look back with a full heart and be satisfied?

I love it when I can learn a lesson vicariously. Usually I have to walk through the fire myself to “get it”. SO... for those who have said the expression above – what would you do differently? Those who are trying to savor everyday, what does that mean to you?

The girls and I were cuddled into bed reading a "chapter" book (they feel so grown up now that we read "chapter books"). I just smelled in their clean hair. I let them talked me into just one more chapter. I kissed them goodnight and let them sleep in our bed (big mistake). I know it works for some people, but not my little beautiful munchkins. I was kicked repeatedly, woke to grinding teeth, and wished I had never let them stay. In my mind it is this beautiful thing. I wake up to a little precious face sleeping peacefully next to me… NOT THE CASE. Eric is off on deliveries and we are trying to enjoy the last weeks of summer.

I’d love your thoughts! Do you feel time sliding through your fingers?

Blessings!